And when you want something...
Views from the van while dreaming of the boat.
It was a beautiful Northern California spring morning, one week before my 22nd birthday, and I sat on the couch in the tiny house I shared with my lover for what felt like hours. I was crying my eyes out, and for the life of me I could not stop. I was feeling that all-too-common wave of despair which has been washing over me from time to time for most of my life. I was angry, and sad, and anxious. I was angry because everything in my life was feeling so good--I had new love, I had a dog I love more than anything, I had a van to live in and be mobile, I had some money--but this wave decided to wash over me anyways. “Why now?” was a thought that passed through my head constantly that morning. I was sad because even though I was feeling disheartened for not having yet reached a very important goal I had set almost a year earlier, I did not want to leave this chapter in life that was just beginning. I was anxious because I had no idea what was going to come next once I accepted that everything was about to change (yet again), and there was nothing I could do about it.
Something took over, and by lunchtime that same day I decided I was going to load my dog into my van and take off for a drive. I needed some fresh air and perspective. But the grove down the road from the house wouldn’t do, and neither would the groves for the next 100 miles. So I told my lover I was going to drive to Brookings, Oregon close to 200 miles away to go look at boats, and off I went. Why, entirely, I decided to do this I am not really sure. As I said, something took over, and I felt like the trip would be good for me, even if I had no intention of actually buying a boat just then.
I spent that afternoon and evening frolicking in fields and sneaking into campsites with my old pup. The next morning we carried on towards Brookings, and when I was about 30 minutes from the harbour I got a text message from a good friend saying, “Mara Noka is for sale.” My heart either sank or leaped out of my chest, I couldn’t really tell, but it definitely skipped a few beats.
Some backstory: Mara Noka is a 1974 Wharram Narai that I spotted in June of 2017 while living with my partner on his ship, Ontong Java. Once I went aboard and saw the boat, I knew that he would be mine. There was no doubt in my mind. But I was in no position to buy a boat then. There was so much drama happening in my life and in my mind, and I was beginning to feel one of those same waves of change I mentioned earlier. Everything was in turmoil. I remember waking up one morning to do yoga on the foredeck of Ontong Java, and we were directly facing Mara Noka. The sun was rising, and the weather was perfect. I heard a dolphin next to me, and turned to see a mother and her calf. They swam beautifully in front of me and then off towards Mara Noka. I then noticed there were about a half a dozen other dolphins already straight ahead, and they all began leaping and singing. The whole universe seemed to dance and sing me songs of change. All I had to do was accept it all. Accept that the things which I need will come to pass, and those which to do not serve me any longer will go their own way. That day I set my goal: by the time my birthday rolled around the following year, I would have a boat of my own. And if I played my cards right, that boat would be Mara Noka. A friend of mine ended up buying the boat, and some time after this I left my home on Ontong Java to go to California to work. A few months later I found myself in Brookings with the news that MY boat was for sale…
My old pup Mutt, celebrating my old boat Mara, behind my old van Trudy.
I pulled over as fast I could, and within minutes of receiving the news I got in touch with the friend who owned Mara Noka. A short time passed, deals were made, and before an hour had gone by I sent a text saying “Wait did you just sell it to me???” which was replied with “I guess so.” I looked a my old pup and said, “Muttley, I think I just bought a boat…” and we hadn’t even arrived in Brookings yet. We continued on, in a daze, and walked the docks looking at boats. But none of them mattered to me, I already had my boat. This was going to happen. After a short while, we gathered back in the van and headed back to California. I had left the morning prior as a confused person, and returned the next day as a boat owner with a dream realized (and a week to spare until my birthday).
Quando você quer alguma coisa, todo o universo conspira para que você realize o seu desejo. When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. —Paulo Coelho
That quote has been my guiding light since I first read it. If you decide on something you would like to accomplish, even if the means to accomplish it are not available to you at that time, put your energy into it anyways. Think about it, meditate on it, concretize it, make it real. From the moment I set my eyes on Mara Noka until the second I received notice he was for sale, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be aboard one day as its captain, and every minute in between I spent manifesting exactly that.
*Please visit the Fund Me tab to find out how you can support me on my voyages. Any little thing really goes a long way. Life aboard is relatively cheap, but maintaining the boat is costly and is quickly getting out of hand. I want to give my best love and attention to Mara Noka, and to continue our adventures together—please help me do so.